


it's getting hard to breathe

by RebootTheRat



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Panic Attacks, Ushijima is baby, basically tendou dies, doctor semi eita, mentions of bad doctors, patient tendou, psychiatrist ushijima, sad goshiki, semi seems more emotionless than ushijima in this oops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:27:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25796638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RebootTheRat/pseuds/RebootTheRat
Summary: tendou has a difficult time in treatment so they give up on him.
Kudos: 11





	it's getting hard to breathe

**Author's Note:**

> at first this was inspired by haha by lil darkie but then it turned into this lmao
> 
> i have this on wattpad under www_reboot_cos

"Tori why you lookin so sad?" he had barely registered the fact he had been addressed, much less who it was, or what they had said. at the time it hadn't mattered, the only thing in his mind was a blind flash of red. he could feel himself begin to lose touch with reality, he knew at this point nothing else mattered. 

willing his eyes to focus in front of him, he expected something gruesome but he surely didn't expect this level of gore. " go and take a walk or write a song up on your notepad." the voice was familiar, though he could tell whoever it was wasn't inside the room with him. 

funnily enough the next thing he had noticed in his dazed state was a table, a plain college type table. sitting on the desk was a notepad, one he recognised as his own. the one he'd use to jot down ideas and music occasionally. he wasn't surprised when his legs brought him toward the desk, he was however surprised when instead of sitting down he grabbed the desk, with as much force as he could muster, and threw it at the nearest wall.

it wasn't his first time acting out, he knew well the consequences of his actions. "for what you have you should be grateful,why aren't you more glad?" the voice seemed to have gotter inside somehow, he'd never understand the way this place worked. the voice was right behind him by the time they had finished their sentence, although Satori hadn't been paying an ounce of attention.

the next few minutes passed in a blur, he vaguely recalled getting shot by what felt like a tranquilizer dart. he was only able to tell because of the pain he felt near his lower back but not low enough to actually be qualified as such. he could hear hushed voices outside the room he had been taken into. by the limited looks, Satori couldn't move his head(thanks drugs), it seemed he had been taken once again into the solitary room. 

he'd been busy trying to will his head to move he didn't notice the person entering the room. "when are you going to stop getting into trouble Satori?"at least he could place a face to this voice, Ushijima Wakatoshi, one of the seemingly only sane people in the place. 

"Toshi, what a pleasant surprise, i thought you took the week off?" he'd replied, trying to make some conversation as the psychiatrist moved around the, admittedly uncomfortable, bed. Wakatoshi approached him with a vital monitor. wordlessly he sat Satori up, and put the band on his arm.

"i did, but Semi called me and told me what you did, im impressed, those tables weigh at least a good 22 kilograms." he finally responded as the took the band of satori's arm, and helped the ladder back into a lying position. satori mumbled a quick thanks as Wakatoshi left the room to report that the patient had woken up.

the next time the door opened it had been Semi who walked in, and Satori couldn't help but be a little disappointed it wasn't Toshi. " hello Tendou, would you care to explain what happened?" was the first thing that left his personal therapist's mouth as he took a seat by the bed. with a clearer head, satori could not recall what had caused his outburst.

"i was heading to lunch when it happened, one of my favorite daisy plants, getting completely pulled from the ground and thrown into the industrial dumpster. that started it, i had been in a pretty good mood with the stabilizers and all, but then i saw that and it stirred some awful feeling i guess. after that i can only remember waking here." satori settled on saying.

it was the complete truth after all, there wasn't anywhere else he could go after this place. this was rock bottom for him, and he was completely, painfully, aware of it. after writing something down on his notepad Semi stood up. " i assume you'd like to see Ushijima,i'll ask him to bring you dinner." 

satori didn't know what to say, not that it was needed, so he just nodded. Semi knew pretty much everything there was to know about Tendou Satori, from the exact brand of gel he used in the morning to the fact satori's blind rage bursts were never really caused by something deeper. Satori appreciated the fact Wakatoshi had come back sooner than he expected, he couldn't handle being alone with his thoughts for too long.

"Toshi, do you have any idea on what the docs plan for me?" he conjured the most flirtatious voice he could, and he managed to pull on an expression as well, though none of it phased the mentioned. Wakatoshi set the food down on satori's lap and sat down.

"they're thinking about putting you on the short-term medications again, say they don't feel like dealing with you anymore, Semi and I are very against that idea but it seems our opinions aren't enough to help. " he said once Tendou had begun eating, his voice had lacked any emotions, but satori knew that ushijima had tried his absolute hardest to keep the team from making the final decision.

"the short- term? the ones that..." Tendou drifted off, both of them knew the he was going to say, an unspoken thing between them, they didn't have to say it out loud, it was almost as if they could read each other's minds. Ushijima rarely ever strayed from his stoic face, and if he did, it wasn't ever in front of a patient.

Tendou was different though, he was Ushijima's best friend, he had been long before getting admitted and that didn't change. so when Satori caught sight of Wakatoshi's facade crumbling, he could tell it was one of those rare moments. " i apologize, i tried everything i could, but they won't listen" satori could feel the weight his best friend carried on his shoulders.

after all he was assigned to take care of Satori specifically, and the extra guilt that came with not being able to help one of the people you hold so dear. "it's okay Toshi, you did everything you could right? that's good enough for me, thank you. i think strangely i'm alright with it now, i mean, what goes around comes around right?"

"you are basically signing up for your own death if they make the decision, you are aware of that right?" Tendou could only smile in return, knowing that anything else would only fuel the other boy's invisible distress. " i lived a good life, Sato, but i'm not sure if i'm ready to let you go.you were there for me, you were my first ever friend."

Satori moved his hand from his side and extended it to his best friend could hold his hand." im sorry, i know it sucks,but, i wouldn't trade it for the world, because when i'm here i get to see you every day, and nothing makes me happier than being close to the ones i love Toshi. and we both knew the was no going back for me years ago."

"that doesn't make it hurt any less." the new voice was Semi, having come to give them the news. "satori will be removed from chemo altogether, and will start taking the... to help speed up the process." Semi answered to their unsaid question, tear tracks had been visible on the older males face. satori made a face, one semi and toshi knew too well.

"Goshiki will be okay, i've told him already, and he requests to see you, can i bring him in?" SEmi said, ever the mind reader. without waiting for a response he opened the door and Goshiki appeared into Satori's line of sight. Goshiki had been even bigger mess than expected. his face had been glossy with tears, and a stray line of snot barreling through despite the tissues he had been holding to his nose. 

Tendou could barely contain himself now, seeing is Kouhai looking so upset over this had made something inside of him snap. "oh Tsutomu, come here" Tendou extended his arms forward toward the younger boy. without wasting any time, goshiki ran into his arms, tears once again streaking his face.

"i- i'm not ready to let go yet, you can't die! it's not fair! it-" a coughing fit stopped him from continuing, tendou couldn't help but squeeze him just a little tighter. "it's just not fair Satori-san" goshiki mumbled once he'd stopped coughing. tendou closed his eyes, he knew it was going to be hard to face goshiki, just not this hard.

he was about to let go of his kouhai when he felt to more pairs of arms hug him, the first one was from behind, wakatoshi tendou recognised. the second one came from behind goshiki, Semi's unmistakable grey hair coming into view. "Tomu, you'll be okay, you will always have a piece of me with you, and you'll still have Ushiwaka and Semi with you."

those were the only comforting words he could find, they weren't much but it seemed to be enough as goshiki's crying had been reduced to the occasional sniffle. "it won't ever be the same without you." Tsutomu said at last, and let go of his death grip on Satori's t- shirt. Tendou wiped away any stray tears from the younger boy's face. 

"goshiki, it's time to go." Semi said suddenly, looking at his watch. " visiting hours are over." 

"visit me okay Tomu? i love you." tendou said in his calm motherly voice, goshiki could only nod fiercely before taking Semi's hand and leaving the pair alone once again. "Toshi, can i have one last thing?"

-

Goshiki hadn't been able to visit soon. with university exams and volleyball taking a ton of of his time, he had almost forgotten his friend's predicament, keyword almost. by the time he had finally managed to visit Tendou, it had been almost a month. "i'm here to see Tendou Satori" he'd told the woman at the front desk.

"just a minute, dear" she typed something on her computer, only to frown and let out a small gasp. "oh, it says here that he passed away weeks ago, im sorry honey" the words didn't register in his brain, suddenly it was as if everything was happening too fast, and yet not fast enough. 

"what do you mean?" he barely managed to speak, as if there was a ball in the back of his throat, preventing his vocal chords from working. and everything was so blurry and he couldn't see the woman as she explained to him he passed away two weeks after getting taken off chemo, tht his body had been so weak he had collapsed and didn't wake back up.

and suddenly he couldn't breathe and no matter how much air he sucked in it didn't seem to be enough. why wasn't he calming down? his head was spinning, he couldn't register another word as the felt his body make contact with the floor and he welcomed the coldness of the hard tiles. 

the next time he came to, he was in his room at home. "oh sweetie are you okay? they said you fainted at the hospital from a panic attack." his mother asked him once she noticed his been awake. Goshiki felt his world crumble as he took in the weight of those words.

so it wasn't just a nightmare.


End file.
